i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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