i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I party with great urgency now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
