well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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