God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
