I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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