that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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