so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize