there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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