he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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