I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
