I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
