That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
