so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
