My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
