I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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