toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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