I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
