nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
