So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
