I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
