Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
