If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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