He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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