i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
