I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
