I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
