dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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