This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
