Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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