I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
