you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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