We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
