Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
