No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize