Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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