i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
