you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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