I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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