i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
