remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
