Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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