you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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