so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
