They should really pass out barf bags in church
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We just shotgunned beers for America
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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