My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
