My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
