I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
