Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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