So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
