This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
