My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
