He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
