dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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