I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
