my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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