sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are the jesus of drinking
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize