Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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