I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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