What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
