I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
