A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His hands were made for my vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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